I have 4 children oldest 2 are adopted and I birthed a 7 yr old and now 6 month old baby. I don’t know how to stop the fear that sends my heart racing. I feel worse when I let it get to me and I’m not the best wife/mom I can be because of it. I have always had anxiety my entire life, as long as I can remember. You are meant to be free of it and you are worthy of being free of it. You’ve been through a lot and it makes sense that you would struggle like this. Our email is help@postpartumprogress.org if you or a loved one wants to email us for more information. It’s part of how anxiety works and talking about that is what takes the power from it. Postpartum anxiety (PPA) can be summed up as anxiety mothers face that have to do with fear and worry concerning the health and well being of their baby. I do my best to keep mine in check its difficult. Or every time I hear the sound of airplane or helicopter flying, I panic that it will crash and land on our house. It isn’t easy to do, but you can train yourself to do it with consistency. It drives me insane, completely takes over my emotions and at the most random moments. Then I started crying a lot just looking at my kids and feeling as if they were growing up too fast for my liking. It is taking all the happiness out of my life and I am constantly crying. There is help. It’s almost funny in retrospect, but it was terrifying at the time. We were originally created to live eternally. Counseling is so beneficial, I can’t say that enough. I feel sick to my stomach and scared all day that my son or daughter would be taken from me, or that I die and miss out on their lives. Iv’e become so blasted paranoid. Thank you for writing this article. I don’t know what to do. My parents are fully aware of what is going on, heck, my dad is a counsellor / psychotherapist. I dont want to die but i dont want to live feeling this impending doom either. Anyway, after about 6 months or so I took myself off the meds. Please just keep them safe. I just feel like I’m losing my mind and I don’t know how to explain to my poor husband what I’m going through. I am having an identical experience. Family Photo and Headshot: Everyday Inspiration Photography, Amy Davis. I have been relentless…after U of Minnesota and Mayo gave no hope we landed at MD Anderson in Houston and found hope. I have a constant fear of my car door opening while driving on the highway when I'm the passenger. This is very treatable and you definitely don’t have to live this way. It worked! I reached a point where my anxiety was though the roof. Whether it’s his aunt or grandma idc I don’t trust them. If you are so impacted by these thoughts and fears that you are unable to sleep, I would highly recommend reaching out to your doctor. Or sometimes I even thought I was having some kind of preminition. Thank you for putting that out there! I noticed the fear when I was a child, probably around 10 or so years old. I hope this brings some comfort to you, and thanks for sharing all your stories. Thank God I had the courage to google my feelings and resulted to your blog! I am a girl 18 years old and i have been facing with this problem for almost 3 years now. Its either my parents or brother. It is the most basic and oldest: 615 form of death anxiety, with its origins in the first unicellular organisms' set of adaptive resources. Self-concept 2. Thank you for being brave enough to post this – these thoughts make it soooo hard for me to sleep at night! I am in my mid twenties,  with a new baby,  currently dealing with some pretty bad anxiety and a phobia of death of myself or loved ones. Sorry for the monologue, i just wanted to thank you for giving me this chance to feel not so alone for a moment. If something happens and I can’t understand it I ask God to tell me what he wants me to know. I have a lot of pain and burning sensation in my stomach. So what is it that’s wrong with me? Other women may suffer from postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder (PPOCD). Some therapy would help so much. To live again on earth forever as originally planned before the fall. So i try to be conscious and careful not to smother her with worry and love. And then there is always good feedback and advice in how to accept life on its terms. This article is exactly how I feel…except I don't have kids..its my parents, siblings, family, boyfriend…or me, of how I'm going to die…t drives me crazy…and I know I should be enjoying the moments while we r all here..but just to know its going to happen…bothers me..it takes my freedom..how can I enjoy life when I know those things r going to happen due to death being a part of life..I don't know what to do!! … I don’t want to just me drugged up and falsely put into a happy place just to lose my parents or loved one. Death anxiety is also known as ‘thanatophobia’, which comes from the Greek words for death (thanatos) and fear (phobos). John chapter 3 explains Jesus love and message to us beautifully. I know this is an old article, but I’m so happy I found it. Please talk to your doctor or your baby’s pediatrician about what you are going through. There are support groups actually. You’re not alone. (I take 400mg SAMe and 600mg Ashwagandha to regulate my cortisol production naturally, no man-made meds). It’s more assuring though to know others go through it too. Even a low dose of something that is safe for breastfeeding may really help. And, we don’t our nine Foes will come. But you’re right that MANY women are having the same symptoms. First of all I feel like the urgency to protect our young must be instinct. I want to know that I will be with my fam in the next life.. Hi Maria. I lost my nan at ten years old, then my grandparents, then my grandad at 13. AND IN 20, 30 MILLION YEARS WE’LL BE STILL FOING WHATEVER IS AFTER DEATH!!! IMy wife is an adult, i am an adult, I can rationalise our mortalities to some degree. Hi. It is called: Nine Friends in Time of Loss. Maturational or situational status 3. Not until recently did I suspect that it could be PPD, because I always thought that PPD was wanting to harm yourself or you child and feelings of worthlessness. My parents have told me to focus on the now and not think about him possibly leaving but it’s easier said then done. I don’t know what to do, I think I am going mad. I made mountains out of molehills. I completely understand everything you have been through. But, 2 years ago I lost my grandmother to lung cancer. Thank you. If not I could be sleeping and they could take him and I wouldn’t notice until they were driving off with him. I think the reason why I am so afraid is because no one really talks about it. I remember coming home from the hospital, I starred at him, crying, balling my eyes out because I thought I was going to lose him. I try to change my thoughts but it is so hard. I know it really isn’t my place to comment on this. I’m terrified of it…and honestly not sure how to quell this fear. We get so self-absorbed about how we will be when worrying about our loved ones Do not discount meditation, prayer, exercise, talking – using your friends, support groups, etc. My parents flew back out to help again. The risk factors for postpartum anxiety are similar to those of postpartum … It’s possibly anxiety, and if your anxiety is preventing you from getting the good sleep that you need each night, that isn’t good for your health. I have to cry myself to sleep at night knowing that were all going to die. Ever since I got pregnant with my second child, I started thinking, "WHAT IF something happened to my husband or daughter, or even myself?" It’s SO hard for me to fall asleep because of this fear. Have you thought about reaching out to a grief support group, Kiera, or talking to your doctor about perhaps getting some therapy? It’s so bad that I have literally become so obsessed that my night time prayers are more of a routine now where if I don’t pray for my children that God will take them away from me. I find that October is the hardest month for me because I experienced my nervous breakdown in Oct 2004 and it is breast cancer awareness month, so I am being flooded left & right with news/articles about breast cancer (which my mom had). Then I would lie in bed and panic—sometimes cry—thinking about having to go on with life without my husband or baby. Hi … I have some similar issues. I have never been to the doctors nor will I that’s upto you but I try to develop coping skills and appreciative the everyday wonderful things that life and family brings. I’m not a Bible thumper or some creep, but you’re all so sweet to me I want to see you all in heaven. My husband asked me why I feel the compulsion to say that (even when I’m angry or annoyed with him), and I told him that if he or one of our children were to die suddenly, I would want the last words they heard to be “I love you.”. I hate to hear about others that are still suffering but it makes me feel that I am not alone and that I am not some freak that was not able to heal from PPD. Iv even sat here thinking that I can’t lose one of my kids I couldn’t live without them . I have bouts of anxiety still and occasionally will have intrusive thoughts about the death of my loved ones, but they aren’t constant anymore and I’m able to function without being paralyzed by fear. Thank you, Katherine! I loved them. Anyone would. I have the same fears you all mention. My husband and I have maybe two date nights a year because the anxiety of leaving my little boy behind is so overwhelming that Ivan barely enjoy the date. You don’t have to continue to experience these constant worries and scary feelings. I have been to a therapist but I don’t think she got it or was equipped to help. I pray a lot to my angels and ask for their love and light and guidance and help to release the old thought patterns and replace them with new ones. That means that 1, 3, 20 million of years we’ll still b around somewhere ETERNITY cripples me, those are concepts I can’t deal with. Thank you (: -Also, I’m not a generally depressed person. I am wondering how everyone is doing all this time later…, I haven't yet been diagnosed with PPD but we will see what tomorrow brings as that is when I go to see my doctor. Thank you, Heather, as tears flow. I also fear my own death. I have the constant fear that she will die soon and i cant get the moment of where in the movie forrest gump sits by his dying mother and i cant get out of my mind that that will happen to me. What to do? He understands my craziness and says he would be at a loss without me but we gave to accept the inevitable. Online: Website Also known as death anxiety, this fear can badly impact on a person's life. I have lost almost everything. It is a terrible way to live! The premise of the little, gift book is that as we travel through life we will only be as happy as we are able to manage our loss. This morning I cried for an hour after reading the blog of a woman whose son killed himself six months ago. sorry for the late comment. It sounds like you may be experiencing symptoms of PPOCD. I also forgot to add, that while pregnant with my first child in 2005, I began to fear death near the end of my pregnancy. I remember growing up and being afraid of my mom dying, as well as my grandmother on my mom’s side. Thoughts like these are typical of anxiety. Some anxiety problems actually create the fear of death on their own. No, it is the final awakening -Walter Scott. With these thoughts I have to remind myself that I need to accept the things I can’t control. Thanks Heidi. OCD can be treated. Some mothers live in constant fear that they will bring about serious harm to their baby, or even death. A lot of my clients say that they have always been a worrier and others say they weren’t anxious until getting pregnant. it seems to depression with obsessive thoughts. Just acknowledge the thoughts and feelings and then move past them and you will slowly start to forget about them. She is a shell of a person she was a year ago. Okay so I have the same exact problem this article described my life but I have nobody to talk to and nobody to help me. Then when I was trying to get close to people they would leave me. Your doctor, however, will note that your anxiety stems from fear of death or dying. I have read this. It is one thing to be scared of dying or something bad happening to those around you, but if you add in people around you actually dying, it multiplies the feeling. I HAVE TO DYE AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!! Having these thoughts does not make you weird–it happens to a lot of people, I promise. I always had anxiety issues, when I was a kid I had repetitive thoughts of my mum dying or being killed while she is alone at home. I am living for today, but it’s almost like I’m living in my last days….as if I’ll die tomorrow. I have been praying to God to keep us all safe but at the same time know that we are all born to die so praying for that just seems stupid. Follow Postpartum Progress's board Postpartum Depression Hope on Pinterest. Not sure if it will ever go away. I found it because I googled “crying…fear something will happen to my kids.” I have two daughters, 4 and 1, and this fear has gotten much worse with my second baby. In fact, anyone from all walks of life can suffer from anxiety disorders. You could not have postpartum anxiety, but it’s possible you have chronic anxiety and some obsessive thinking, which can be treated professionally as OCD for some people. I am afraid I won’t be able to cope with their death and I’m afraid of dying myself. It’s a horrible thing to live with every day and it just seems like no one understands. he has been staying in US for completing his studies and its been almost 7 months that we have not met. i feel really glad to come across this blog and know that there so much empathy and support that generates just by sharing our individual stories. Also, mindfulness and gratefulness. I often joke with friends that I couldn’t bear another right now because I don’t know if my heart can hold that much love and worry. Hang in there, Taryn. Thanks. This is called our resurrection. I really am trying not to get to the finish line but to take everyday as it comes and not beat myself up when I have an really bad day. I just look normal and the majority of people think that i dont cry or even i dont feel sad and hopless because i am very funny most of the time with my friends mabye that is a way i camouflage myself. I didn’t want anyone to see me without clothes on. Would anyone go to my funeral? I know I had all of these a little bit prior to getting PPD. I’m so glad I decided to google this and found this page. Women suffering from postnatal panic disorder can feel an instant and reparative panic attacks along with shortness of breath, fear of death, chest pain, heart palpitations and dizziness. Five years later. Since I was pregnant with twins I started being scared of/obsessed with death and deformities. It is a clinically diagnosable level of anxiety. Postnatal Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It gets easier. I don’t have anyone else to say anything to about this because it could just find a way to make someone know my weakness. I ‘m SO sick and tired of it. I’m going through the EXACT thing. I personally don’t believe in the traditional concept of Heaven, but I believe our memories and our spirits live on. I live every second in paralyzing fear that my daughter will be taken from me. I lay awake everything and when I close my eyes i just see me crying and call another relative and tell them please help me, my mother or father are dead. i am extremely glad that i came across this site. Everyday I CHOOSE to believe this and in doing so I am able to go with the flow of life. This is LITERALLY the best website. Ive just had a lot of pain and burning sensation in my thoughts Houston and hope! 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